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Catwoman: Corporate Intervention

April 6, 2014
Lichtenstein-style Catwoman says "If corporations are people, we're looking at the DC Comics thing all wrong."

If corporations are people…

This is the third in a series of images in the style of Roy Lichtenstein, simulating a comic book look through those famous dots, and presenting a thought that – well, let’s just say the text and thought bubbles in Lichtenstein’s works generally presented something too complex to be boiled down to the four-color medium.   The first two in this series, ‘Lichtensteined’ the Liam Neeson as Ra’s al Ghul from Batman Begins and Christian Bale as The Dark Knight with the most appropriate lines from each of those films.

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The Fool’s Day Curse is Broken

April 1, 2014

Every year it’s something. Cat-Tales has been taken over by the Metropolis Tourism Board and Ra’s al Ghul’s ninjas. We’ve seen Joker remake the whole website as Hyena Tales and some sick bastard made it into Chris’s House of Goggles. One year there were puppies. And one year a giant DC Comics logo loomed over the forum. (I won’t tell you which left a little puddle under the icons.)

This year, at last, we seem to have reached April 1 without ANYONE associated with Cat-Tales being messed with!

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Theme Muggles! They’re not Batman Villains, they’re Muggles with a Hobby

March 29, 2014

It began with my beta-reader. Those who follow Cat-Tales are aware, I spell and type like Lois Lane with a case of the caffeine shakes, so Beta need to have a sense of humor. He does, he’s a cool guy, and inspired by one of his margin comments, I laid claim to the future Harry Potter parody: Bruce Wayne and the Smidgeon of Pettiness.

Those who follow Cat-Tales are also aware I rarely know when to quit.

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Ra’s al Ghul and the Half-Baked Plan

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Jonathan Crane and the Microsoft Terms of Service

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Bane and the Unresolved Plot Thread

See the full collection, including a bouncy animated Harley here on the Cat-Tales website.

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R-E-S-P-E-CAT

March 28, 2014

Respect Your Cat Day is with us once more.  You may dismiss Valentine’s Day as a manufactured holiday.  You may speak slightingly of St. Paddy’s (but not in front of Matches Malone if you value your teeth).  You may even blow off Twitter’s #NationalCleavageDay.  But no fan of Cat-Tales would dare let March 28 pass without pausing to acknowledge the feline.

Caroline Sharp and Sekhmet - A trip to the museum to prepare for recording Cat-Tales Audio Books.  Sekhmet Approves

Sekhmet Approves

Selina Kyle's Cats-Whiskers and Nutmeg

Selina’s Cats Whiskers and Nutmeg were introduced very briefly in Cat-Tales: Normal and quickly learned to steal every scene they appeared in. By the time they moved into Wayne Manor in Splitzville, it was their series.They have quite a fan base, and the story of how Selina came to own them was the subject of an Ask Catwoman question last year.

Whiskers Manifesto - Words of Wisdom from Catwoman's Cat

In String Theory, Jason Blood came to the manor and, able to speak the lost tongue by which the priests of ancient Egypt spoke with divine and mortal cats, he is told Whiskers design for living – as well as his opinion on a few other things.

The Hour of Second Napping - A Cat-Tale retold from Whiskers and Nutmeg's POV

The Hour of Second Napping – A Cat-Tale retold from Whiskers and Nutmeg’s POV

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I tried. Nobody can say I didn’t try.

Selina’s preserve is called The Catitat.  It was also introduced in Cat-Tales Normal, where readers came to know her favorite pet, the ocelot Nirvana, who is named for the resident of a preserve in Florida.  Readers would later come to meet Shimbala the tiger (named for Tippi Hedren’s Shambala Preserve) and get a tour of the cabin (and meet the caracals Myk and Brii) through Alfred Pennyworth’s eyes in Polishing Silver.  Superman got involved when some tigers from the Dhumavati Death Maze needed a home in The New Black, and now that there’s a litter of tiger cubs, he’s, well, you’ll have to read NMK Inc to find out.

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Gotham “To me, it’s like a great woman”

March 25, 2014

I was talking to someone the other day who really loved Mahmoud, the cab driver introduced in the later chapters of Inside an Enigma.  He wanted to talk about Gotham in Cat-Tales, how the city rises to become a character in some stories and, in others, its ordinary citizens like Mahmoud or Clair Sabana in NMK Inc can upstage the established Rogues they interact with.  As one who aspired to write Batman, he wanted some tips on crafting a Gotham that had those qualities, that was a character in itself and would generate those unique individuals an audience could connect with as something more than crime fodder.

In the course of the same visit, I was flicking the dials and came across Anthony Bourdain eating dim sum in Brooklyn.  It was great:  Brooklyn, not Chinatown, and as Bourdain was contrasting the well-behaved crowd with the atmosphere of a dim sum seating in Hong Kong, an older woman tired of waiting got up to take the prized dumplings she wanted off a cart.  After that, Tony’s tour of the outer boroughs took him to an African restaurant in the Bronx and the proprietor talked about how difficult it was to bring over the people who knew how to do the kind of cooking he required and how expensive it was to get them the education they needed.  By this point, my friend was leaning forward towards the TV, elbows on his knees, absorbing every word.  And I thought “Okay, he can do this.”  Because that’s the part of being a writer that comes before stringing words together.  It’s being drawn to people and their stories.

Okay, so, my personal tips for writing Gotham and Gothamites:

A Gotham View of the World

A Gothamite’s View of the World

* THE MOST IMPORTANT STARTING PLACE:  Discard any idea from DC Comics that Gotham and New York are separate places or that Metropolis is an East Coast city that’s nearby.  What makes New York the uber-city it is is that it is the center of the universe for so many different fields and that makes it a nexus of an incredible cross-section of humanity in all its diversity.  There cannot be another Wall Street right across the river, another center of publishing, of advertising, of fashion, of theatre, of art, of news and broadcasting, another cluster of embassies around the U.N., etc etc.   Try to make New York, Gotham and Metropolis sister cities and you diminish all three.  Decide right now: Gotham is New York, Metropolis is a time zone away in what we call Chicago, and NEVER LOOK BACK.

* If you have no personal experience with New York, or perhaps a just few days as a tourist, do not despair.  You can pick up a fair amount of texture from movies and television, but you have to be smart in what you choose to mine for details.

NO: Friends or Seinfeld.  That is not New York.  That is LA-New York, and it burns.  Sitcoms in general: Mad About You, Will and Grace, How I Met Your Mother, should probably be viewed as an alternate universe.  Things may have the same name and general shape, but before you approach the guy in the red cape, you should figure out if it’s Superman or Bizarro.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION: these works hit a single non-representative note.  They can only be used in moderation with many other sources to round things out:

  • Seven – This is pretty much Frank Miller’s New York and Hell would be an improvement. If this is your notion of NY, I know what your Batman story is going to be – “Gotham as Mordor”  – and I’m not going near it.  For balance and penance I recommend…
  • Sex and the City – To call this a rarified view of the city is like calling a Christie’s auction of a Mickey Mantle rookie card a rarified view of baseball.  Yes, there’s stuff like the Paris Theatre on 48th Street, but you can get that from Annie Hall.  If you must mine this silly show, I recommend sticking with the first season or two before it became a vehicle for Sarah Jessica Parker’s ego, and fast forward anything referencing $400 shoes.  Even so, Gossip Girl is probably a better choice. (And honestly, if you want an insight into new restaurants, shopping, clubs and events to dress up for, I’d forget fiction altogether and go with Zagat, Yelp and Gotham Magazine.)
  • Cruel Intentions, Tootsie, When Harry Met Sally, Serendipity, Crocodile Dundee, Big, Ghost Busters, Fame, Kramer versus Kramer, The Devil’s Advocate, Wall Street/Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps, One Fine Day  - all display a different New York, a movie New York that is a very small slice  of the real thing.  The more of those slices you consider, the more well-rounded your Gotham will be.
    Everyone has their own cutoff for how old a movie can be to serve the purpose.  I think we can all agree Breakfast at Tiffany doesn’t make the cut, but some people my age can stretch to Midnight Cowboy and Dog Day Afternoon.  I’m not one of them.
  • Real Housewives of New York City – there’s actually nothing to be gained here.  I just put it on the list as additional punishment for the Miller crowd.
  • For Reality TV options that do have something to offer (albeit in that one-note capacity that should be taken with many, many others) I would look to the specific episodes or specific segments of Travel Chanel’s programs that feature NY locations.  From Rachel Ray’s $40-a-Day to the myriad of “Paradise” show that cover its pizza, steak houses and chips shops, these can be seriously out of date for real life vacation planning, but they’re handy for a writer wanting some local flavor.

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Woody Allen's Manhattan, 1979

“I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they’re a drunk or a thief. I’ve loved the city my whole life — to me, it’s like a great woman.” ~Woody Allen

  • Woody Allen movies – the gold standard for New York movie making.  Manhattan Murder Mystery might be a little dated, but it’s not like the 21 Club has changed much.  Crimes and Misdemeanors, Hannah and Her Sisters, Husbands and Wives and even the universally loathed Anything Else have something to offer for the New York watcher.  (You watch enough Woody Allen movies, you start to notice weird things.  For some reason, Central Park almost always means exposition.)  New York Stories, though Woody only did one part of the trilogy, obviously tops the list.
  • As Good As It Gets – If this flick had nothing to offer but the contrast between Melvin’s Manhattan and Carol’s Brooklyn, it would be on the list.  It has much more.
  • Castle Seasons 1 & 2 – Even though this series is filmed in LA like my first category of no-nos, the early seasons went out of their way to bring an authentic New York flavor.  Unlike most shows set in the Big Apple, it touched a lot of different subcultures rather than just icons and geography.  The later seasons are still very enjoyable, but as the show’s focus changed over time, it lost its edge making the most of the NYC setting, IMO.
  • Law and Order, Law and Order Criminal Intent – Both series get around the city and get into its subcultures and niches.  Because it’s actually filmed there, it also gets into its neighborhoods better than LA-based competitors like Castle.  The main drawback is simply that it’s been around so long.  On any given weekend, 3 channels have marathons running and no formula can stand up to such saturation. Remember why you’re watching.
  • Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations – Tony keeps it real.  Whether it’s the aforementioned Outer Boroughs episode, the segment on Street Food, secret chef enclaves, or the New York segment of a report on Mexican immigrants in the food service industry, I’ve rarely seen Bourdain touch on a New York story that he didn’t nail.

What are your favorite TV and movie New Yorks?  Comment here or tweet me.

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Ra’s al Ghul knows how to push my buttons

March 25, 2014

Ra's al Ghul knows how to push my buttons

“Let’s not endow him with special powers, Bruce. He knows your identity. At that point you’re one big button and the only thing that requires any intellectual acumen is not bumping it accidentally.”

~Selina Kyle, Wayne Rises

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Coming to bed?

March 24, 2014

Coming to bed?

New in the Cat-Tales Scenes Gallery: Bruce and Selina in the Batcave in “Coming to bed or not?”

“Bruce, you’re putting me in an impossible position,” she said wearily. “Bed has to happen. Now, if you don’t want to get on board with this, I can fight you or I can tempt you—both are among Kitty’s favorite pastimes, as you know. But the thing is, I’m tired too and both of those are work. So why don’t we just agree that you come to bed now, and in the morning, I’ll tell you who engineered the Gardner Museum heist.” ~Selina Kyle, The Gotham Rogues

Something about a borrowed dress shirt, gets the job done every time.

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