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The Bat-Brain

April 18, 2015

Selina makes many references to “the Bat Brain” in Cat-tales.  She respects it as a force of nature that it is, and relishes her ability to short circuit it with a moist whisper…

batman-thebatbrain

You can’t write a series like Cat-Tales for over ten years without people sending you links to Batman stuff. Lots of Batman stuff. This print by Chris Wharton might just be my favorite. Not surprising given Her Feline Self’s prime placement.

“She gestured, slowly, the edge of her fingers just grazing her chest as she traced the border of the bikini top.  The mental picture this evoked finally brought about the wordless scowl she’d been waiting for, accentuated by a barely perceptible stiffening of the muscles just visible through the eye slits of the cowl… Batman’s tell, the tell which meant victory.  She had, once again, jostled the bat-brain until she jarred loose any thoughts of crimefighting.  That task accomplished, she returned her attention to the computer screen with a purr.”
~ Demon’s in the Details

“If you keep tickling my ear like that, I won’t be able to concentrate,” he managed hoarsely.  “Please, just… this is why there’s no sex in mysteries.  Just… sit over there,” he pointed.  “Less Irene Adler.  More Watson.” She went to the chair, laughing that, after all these years, she had finally short-circuited the great bat-brain—and at the worst possible time for Kitty’s trademark curiosity.
~ Armchair Detective

“It. Was. Infuriating.  The woman who loved him as Bruce and the Cat who fought him as Batman wanted to know what that remarkable Bat-Brain was up to, and it seemed like he was deliberately missing the point.  All he did was tell her to ‘clear her mind’ (read: watch the bat Walapang sit on its perch above Workstation One while he set a baseline for the ears’ default position).”
~ Comedy of Errors

I rubbed my forehead.  It isn’t often I can’t keep up with the Bat-brain, but this was one of those times, and the one downside to that RAW INTENSITY that is Batman is that it’s all but impossible to slow him down.
~ Comedy of Errors

“Look, I get that you’re upset about what happened to me this afternoon, but you’ve got to stop trying to ‘fix it’ retroactively, because you’re obviously not thinking clearly.  And you really shouldn’t be out in this condition.  Not if, you know, the Bat-brain is out of commission.”
~ The Gotham Rogues

“Mhm.  Confessed everything.  The Auchinclosses, the Winthrops, the Mellon-Scaifes, the Broadmoors.  He worked it out, and what he’s personally acquired for the Orphans Fund that those people never planned to give before he turned that lovely scheming Bat-brain on them comes out to 17.5 acres of Catitat, food and veterinary care for forty rescued lynxes and—because he correctly deduced that I liked to treat myself after a heist and didn’t put every single penny into the Catitat—two weeks in St. Kitts.”
~ NMK Inc

“Oh, you found a place for the Last Bimbo Hurrah?” she asked, coming closer to check out the workstation screen.  He looked up at her with a raised eyebrow and she added, “Yeah, okay, that would have sounded better if I didn’t look like a Flash Gordon cocktail waitress.  Forget how I’m dressed and impress me with the Bat-brain.  Where are you taking Treasure and Trinket?”
~ Spontaneous Generation

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It’s Almost Tax day

April 14, 2015

batman75-greetingsfrom-poison-ivy

Paper is Murder


It’s almost Tax Day and Poison Ivy would like to remind you that if you’re not e-filing, you’re a terrible person. (Also you should eat less salad.)

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The Elephant in the Room

April 1, 2015

Guys, when there’s an elephant in the room, you introduce it.  Cat-Tales has gotten stale.  I know it, you know it.  I could ride it down or I could walk away with dignity. I’m choosing the latter.  Bruce and Selina deserve that and so do you.  So Cat-Tales is over, but I am pleased to announce my brand new series starting today:
lego-bat-mite-tales
LEGO BAT-MITE TALES!
Because you don’t need fingers to fight crime, you just…

Okay, I’m still working on the tagline.  If anybody can help me, please for the love of Nutmeg, drop me an email.

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The Cliffhanger

March 31, 2015
matches-malone-cliffhanger

The Cliffhanger

When we last saw Matches Malone, there was a gun to his head. The story concludes in The Neighborhood, Part 4: Finnegan’s Wake, on the Cat-Tales website and mobile-friendly mirror, Cat-Tales.mobi

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Respect Your Cat Day falls on Caturday… you all know what to do.

March 28, 2015
Respect Your Cat Day - Catwoman & Batman

This year, “Respect your Cat Day” falls on #caturday . You know what to do.

It was on this day, 28 March 1384 that Richard II of England issued an edict forbidding the consumption of cats, known to the internet as RESPECT YOUR CAT DAY. Let’s see if we can do just a little better this year making Selina happy and so avoid another April Fool’s Day where the Batcave is transformed into a Hello Kitty nightmare.

Whiskers suggests gifts of caviar and foie gras. Nutmeg likes to nap on cashmere sweaters.

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Happy Heist Day: The Cutest but Least Convenient Bat/Cat fight ever.

March 18, 2015

There are days when it’s ten kinds of awesome having a fully-characterized, three-dimensional, complex and nuanced Batman characters in your head. Then there are days like this, when I’m sipping morning coffee—innocently sipping morning coffee—and happen to hear that it’s the 25th Anniversary of the Gardner Museum heist.

happy-heist-day-gardner-museum-heist-25th-anniversary

I ignore this for a while, thinking it warrants no more than a link on the Cat-Tales facebook page, reminding readers how Selina taunted Bruce with information about the famous robbery in order to get him to come to bed in The Gotham Rogues, and a short while later, the FBI did in fact report a break in the case, anticipating recovery the art. Ha!

That was my plan… but then inner Selina starts campaigning to make it Heist Day, an international Cat Burglar Holiday, and I should call for everyone to wish her a happy one and post pictures, etc. etc. After all, half a billion dollars worth of art taken including three Rembrandts, a Vermeer, a Manet and sketches by Degas, THAT’s an anniversary the community celebrates.

happy-heist-day-selina

Then Inner Bruce pipes up, reminding me that the heist inspired Senator Edward Kennedy to make the stealing of major art works from a museum a federal crime, increasing the statute of limitations to 20 years. Hardly something for criminals to take pleasure in, but a giant step forward for law enforcement.

The two of them have been bickering about it ever since, and it would be adorable except I’m trying to get stuff done.

Grumble.

Don’t blame me when The Neighborhood: Chapter 4 is late.  Blame them.

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What are you drinking, Mr. Malone?

March 17, 2015

finns-pub-gothamcity

I generally post a few words in favor of a fine Irish Whisky over the St. Patrick’s Day… um, can’t rightly call it a beverage… over the St. Patrick’s Day observance that is “green beer.”  These are illustrated with Poison Ivy for the green, or with Bruce’s underworld identity Matches Malone since he’s a nice Irish boy from the neighborhood.

Except this year, we’re right in the middle of a story that’s actually starring Matches Malone, gone undercover with the Westies of Hell’s Kitchen.  He’s been visiting a good few Irish pubs and drinking a wee bit more alcohol than a typical Cat-Tale.  For a while, it even looked like we might be able to mark the day with the release of the final chapter.  Alas, it wasn’t meant to be, so for something different, I am inviting everyone to shout out what ol’ Matches should be drinking.

There’ve been a good few whiskies…

irish-whisky-pub

Although Bruce’s preferred beer, Innis & Gunn – Irish Whisky Cask of course – has made an appearance along with and other Irish craft beers.

innis-and-gunn

So let’s hear it? What are you drinking, Mr. Malone?

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